Ryan Gaboury
English 110 C
Professor Emerson
10 November 2017
Matt Hobbs Review
Matt does an exceptional job beginning his essay with an interesting historical background on the Age that we are experiencing today. He then goes on to explain his statements in which his thesis is clearly stated. As we reach his body paragraph’s, there are a few concerns or opinions that I would like to dive into. First, it is evident that the use of textual evidence is definitively needed in order to enhance and strengthen his overall position. Also, I believe that it should be more obvious what he is to be talking about in his upcoming paragraph’s, meaning that his opening statements need to carry the position and direction that the paper is to dive into. Moreover, I think it is necessary for him to connect his body paragraph’s back to his thesis and this can easily be handled with one simple concluding sentence at the end of each paragraph. Lastly, a few grammatical errors that are simple can be evaluated and the use of his friend Amy’s points will also ensure a better, well-rounded paper.
Sydney Lang Review
It is very clear that there are a “few” grammatical errors that need to be visited before any structural changes are needed. (Lol) I tried to suggest as many as could but there were some that I didn’t know which was the correct you or I would place to fit and complete the sentence. I truthfully enjoyed the small personal rant on how people change over time, given you matured from middle school to today and wouldn’t make the same decisions as before. Your use of quotes are definitely strong and present, but I feel as though you may leave the reader hanging too much at some point. Ask a question for them to think about, but then give your position on how you feel, given it is your opinion based paper. Be sure to remember to retreat back to your thesis during every paragraph to help enhance it. Overall, well done.
