Ryan Gaboury
English 110 C
Professor Emerson
19 October 2017
Revision Strategy
Your strategy is the plan of action you will take to achieve your overall aim (Dictionary.com).
The review of my classmates and my self assessments have given me a clear view as to where I need to take my essay in the final stages. It is evident that the most important addition to my paper is the connection between either Thomas King or Henig to the other two pieces that we read in class. I need to somehow use a stronger connection that brings the reader in, but also fortifies my argument to make it relevant to even the audience of “20-somethings.” Moreover, I think it’s necessary to add dopamine into the picture to give a little bit more scientific or educational background on how the brain works, given that is what powers our attention. I also need to expand a bit more as to giving a suggestion or answer to the statement I was creating. The answer is a challenge, even for readers and if I am able to draw them in through this specific topic, an answer to a difficult question may help them to understand what is necessary in handling the situation. (“Protecting the brain from ADD/ADHD should be more important than liking a friend’s picture on Instagram.” How can we really convince people to help their brain’s rather than satisfy them? ) Lastly, a conclusion should not only add a different element to the picture, but clearly restate what has been said and I think that could be tweaked in some instances to not be repetitive, but to revisit each key point.
